Hero.
What does that word mean to you? We've been called heroes several times since beginning this adoption process. But I have to be honest. We're uncomfortable with the title. We are not heroes.
Disclosure, I'm going to be very real about my feelings, but please don't misunderstand my intent. I am overjoyed with the place God has brought us to. I am not looking for sympathy, well, honestly, because none is needed. Everyone goes through trials, and this is part of our journey. It's all good, and we know will help us to truly appreciate things more once we reach the end. However, people tend to romanticize adoption, and it's not romantic! It's hard and frustrating and the ones that complete the process deserve a vacation. If you're looking to gift anyone with a vacation, please contact me about my friends, Josh and Sara. They've adopted three times. Yeah. Rockstars! More on that later!
We're normal people, following God's prompting and stepping out in obedience. We're (a little bit) scared of the unknown and all the variables, and (a lot) overwhelmed. We're exhausted from all the added pressure and activity the adoption process has added to our already hectic schedules. I'm stretched so thin I'm afraid I'm going to shatter at any minute. I know it's only temporary and God is in full control. That gets me through! Somehow, we are getting each step accomplished, and I know that can only be Him! It certainly is not in our own strength.
I'm an emotional wreck and my pillow is stained from the tears every night. I cry because my oldest will be leaving to college and won't have time with Lucy. I cry because my two older girls will be visiting their biological father and the sibling they have from him for an extended while. Lucy will have no clue of what amazing big sisters she has and I'm going to be lost without them. I cry because I'm mourning all the things Lucy has done in 7 years with no mommy to make her feel accomplished, no daddy to hold her when she was scared. I cry because her 8th birthday is in two weeks and she has no idea that her family is celebrating her. I cry because I'm certain Lucy has been lonely on so many days and nights, a loneliness I know we will never be able to erase, that will always be a part of who she is. And I cry because I love her so much. A friend warned me about the "Adoption Hormones". Uh-huh.... I could have done without those.
From the first day, I told Manny I felt that God was going to bless us with the money to bring Lucy home, and then some. Immediately he got the look that says "How many kids are you bringing home?" I don't know that God is giving us more than one child, I honestly believe that He is going to bless us so we can in turn bless other families with their adoptions.
I have been feeling the pressing to share our story. Ask friends to share our story. Tell people about Reece's Rainbow, about kids with special needs. Everyone we are acquainted with knows we have a daughter with Down syndrome. Becky is 11 years old and the day she was born changed our lives completely. So many people have such a misconception about people with Downs. We have witnessed her breaking down walls and barriers in people's minds and hearts. She has been a catalyst for several people we know to disbelieve the stigmas associated with kids with special needs. I think God intends to use our adoption to further break down those stigmas. The more people learn about our adoption, the more people will have the seed planted to the idea of providing a home for a child with special needs. I know we're not the first to do it, we have friends that have adopted several kiddos with special needs. I just know what God is pressing on me.
Enter the hero word. People will tell us what angels we are, what heroes we are to adopt a child with special needs. Well, as a mom of kids in several age groups and different abilities/disabilities, I can tell you that the set of difficulties we have with a kid with special needs is simply redistributed, not more. What do I mean? Well, Becky requires a lot of medical attention. Surgeries, extra doctors (seriously, how many specialists does a little body NEED?), and special shoes, special equipment. And she's starting to notice boys, what the what?! And she's going through "changes" which means drama and hormones and drama and crying and drama. She also requires a lot of therapies. She is in an amazing school which provides a lot of one on one attention to the students and incorporates therapies into every activity. We LOVE them! But I digress... it is a lot of work and I'm exhausted! My heart is full but I'm pooped!
For our older children, there are after school activities, and boys, and drama, and college applications, and shopping, and drama, and work applications, and financial aid applications, and drama, and weekend testing dates in schools no where near our home (WHY does the school board DO that?), and rides to and from places, and volunteer hours, and learning to drive, and drama, and friends coming in and out every single weekend, and long drawn out projects and papers that rival a college student's research, and boys, and medical problems (WHAT?! A "normal" kid with medical concerns, unheard of), and then there's the inevitable clash of personalities among themselves and with mom and dad. So again, a lot of work and exhausting! My heart is full to bursting with them in my life, but I'm pooped!
See my point? One is not more or less work than the other, the work is simply distributed differently! Don't be afraid to love a child with special needs!
The real heroes in these scenarios are the children, the ones waiting for families to bring them home, the ones that keep smiling and hoping. They are my heroes.
Manny and I? We're no heroes. We're not angels.
We're believing He's going to carry us through the adoption, and through raising Lucy, the same way He's getting us through raising our other children.
I'm also believing that there is a vacation in our very near future with no cooking or laundry or cleaning.... maybe? No? Too much? Oh, well! I tried!
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