WE ARE HAVING A BABY!!!!!!!

Ok, maybe not a baby... a child.

Ok, maybe we're not "having" a child... we're adopting.

BUT HELLO?!  We're ADOPTING!!!!!

Manny and I, Yudith, Aly, Becky, Manny Jr. Fatima and Angie are adopting a new child into the family!!!

I can't describe to you all the feeling coursing through me at this moment.  I haven't stopped crying, smiling, laughing in days.  I have woken myself from sleep in tears.

I've felt such a strong feeling to adopt for so many years, and in recent months have had arguments with God.  I got really mad and frustrated and reproached Him.  "Why do you give me a burning desire to adopt but don't give the same feeling to my husband?"

I mean, come on!  That's just mean, cruel even.  I would show him pictures or talk to him about available children, and while we was never mean about it purposely, he would look and say something to the effect of "I hope his/her forever family show up soon."

Well, in conversation about something totally unrelated a few weeks ago, God gave me clarity.  My friend commented about the differences in our husband's reactions from our own.  How upset it made her.  I was shaking my head, ready to Amen her comment and high five over this.  Instead my mouth opened, but I'm not the one that answered.

"I'm a realist, but I still have a soft center.  Paint me a picture and I'm sold.  I'm all in or not at all.  Manny balances me out.  He remains stoic, he takes his time to make a decision.  Usually, it's not the answer I want, but it's (almost) always the answer I need in the long run."

She curled her lip like I asked her to lick the floor.   I wanted to slap myself, because REALLY?!  How submissive did that sound?

However, the reality is that it's the truth.  One hundred percent.  Even if I'm loath to admit it.

Now, fast forward a few months after my meltdown with God.  I changed my prayers.  "Lord, if it's your will that we adopt, then please soften his heart.  If not, take this desire in me and redirect it."  Friday night, I'm casually checking my Facebook on the couch while he's watching TV.   My friend posted a link to a site I've been on for years, Reece's Rainbow.  They advocate adoptions of children with Down Syndrome.  I passed it, then decided to go back and open it because I felt pulled to it.  Just one more time, I told myself.

As soon as the link opened and I saw that adorable little face, those gorgeous eyes, and that smile!  Oh, man!  My breath caught in my throat and my tears started flowing.  I felt that most complete love instantly.  Exactly like the love that floods you when you look at your newborn for the first time.

My heart recognized 

her as mine.  

Manny was worried and asked what was going on.  I turned the phone to him and showed him her picture.   He took one look at her and his face transformed.  He got the goofiest smile on his face.  His eyes took on a soft, dreamy look.  I finally got myself under control.  I told him how I felt, I read her description to him.  We briefly discussed attempting.  He didn't commit to anything, and instead we decided to just pray on it.

The next day he went to work, I was doing homework... and researching agencies.  And looking at her picture.  And dreaming.  And crying.  And lying to my mom (she called and when she heard my voice she asked why I was crying, I couldn't say anything so I said I wasn't feeling well.  Which I was, because I just lied to my mother.).  And crying some more while looking at her picture.  And asking my friend that has already adopted about the whole process in detail.

Manny came home from work, took one look at me and with the most amazing smile on his face said, "Let's bring my girl home!"

And cue more crying, and hugging, and kissing and crying and hugging.... you get the picture.

That was step one.

Then I sent emails to the agency, and so began the wait to see if the country she's in would even consider us.

Yesterday I called after work and spoke to a sweet lady that said based on our initial, preliminary answers, she didn't see any red flags for them to not consider us!

So I won't bore you with the details now, I'll do so later as everything unfolds, but I was about to come out of my skin!!!!!

Manny walked in the door from work and I just about tackled him! LOL!  Seriously, I did!

So now we've informed the family... the kids all know, the parents know.  The extended family knows.  Our friends know.  Fundraising efforts have begun.  It's becoming more real.

And my excitement level just keeps escalating.  I've made some of the dumbest mistakes in the last few days.  Pregnancy brain without the pregnancy.  Hee hee!  But I'm so overjoyed that it's ok.

I know the path ahead of us is full of long nights, running around in sudden bursts of activity, long waits, and patience being tested.  It going to be full of worry and working extra hard to earn the money to bring her home.  But just like all the obstacles we faced with the other children, she is worth everything and anything that comes.

I would like to ask you all to join us in prayer.  That the country accept our paperwork, that they match us to this precious angel, that no one else commit to her before we can get the funds for that step.  Please keep us in prayer that we keep our calm, the peace He has filled us with, that the added stress of the adoption process bring us closer and not come between us.  That all our children, those at home, and our angel abroad, are safe.  That soon we can send word her way that her Forever Family has found her and is working hard to come get her!

Thank you!


If you'd like to donate to our adoption, please do so through my PayPal account!  adlin26@yahoo.com

We appreciate it!

Beckyisms

Becky has become way more verbal lately.  She does a pretty good job of expressing herself. Here are a few of the funnier things she has said to us in the last few weeks... Most of these I'm copying right from my FB feed, so if you follow me there, be warned!  Some repetition is about to occur!l


Enjoy!!  We sure did!!!


I dropped off the girs to my sister's house and they were giving me kisses. Yudith says "be safe on the drive back". Becky adds, "yes, behave and don't die mommy". I call now to tell them I made it home and she says "good job not dying!!" I can't stop laughing! This kid!
You know, it works!  We understand each other.  

Yudith fell the other day and hit her head, thank God she is ok now, but she did have a slight concussion. So this afternoon, I went grocery shopping with Becky.  And it typical Lynn fashion, I tripped.  Luckily, I didn't fall because I grabbed my cart, when I went to stand up straight, I touched my forehead (no reason, just did) and Becky says "oy, did you break your head, like Yudith?"

Becky is watching The Nightmare Before Christmas. She comes laughing and says "Mommy, it's you! On TV!" I look to see what she's talking about and Jack Skelington is cuddled in bed with a stack of books! I said "I look like Jack?" And she says, "No, he read in bed lot of books, like you!" 

Well, she's not wrong!!!

Becky: (looking at Yudith, holding her mug in front of her mouth) so, how's math going?

Yudith: it's good. I had a quiz yesterday and I got an A. I had a lot of math homework but I got it all done 

Becky: uh huh. It's going to get harder. You're good. 

Yudith: thanks. And you? How's your math? 

Becky: math is good. My teacher helps me. I like math. 

All the while she's sipping from her mug. I can't take this level of cuteness!!!! 

Mom, my purse is empty.  I need your money.  Please.
Yeah, kiddo.  That's cute but no.

Becky has a stuffy nose and her head hurts.  She climbed into bed with me early this morning and said, "Mommy, my head, it hurt.  And my nose, it doing bad thing."  I'm partially awake as I ask "what bad thing?"  Her response "no let me breath.  Hello, nose, I die!"

I don't think she was amused that I was cracking up while she was obviously in the throes of death!

If you're planning of purchasing Disney's Cinderella, please shop this Amazon link!  It will help us raise funds for our cause!  The big one I'm not supposed to tell you all about just yet!  LOL!  http://tinyurl.com/qj7wuxv    Thank you!!  I promise you won't be disappointed when you find out why it is!

What a ride!!!

The last few months have been, what's a good word?  Hectic, tumultuous, amazing!

First, we began the summer with a long car ride from Brooksville to New York, Massachusetts and Washington, D.C.  Yudith was invited to the Future Physicians of America Congress in Lowell, MA.  So we fund raised like crazy and got her there through the efforts of some very generous and amazing friends!

Aly didn't look like she was into it, but I promise you she was.... maybe!


Having spent several years of my youth in Ft. Bragg, we decided the mandatory bathroom break should happen here!




Since we were already traveling, and it's our last summer with a full house before kiddos start going college bound, we decided to make a family vacation out of it!  Hence New York and D.C.  We took two days to visit family and walk all through Manhattan.  The girls were so giddy!  I thought for sure Yudith was going to go ahead and sign a lease on a flat.... She did decide that John J was now in the running for her college choices.

For me, the best part was seeing my grandmother's sister and her husband!  I've missed them so much!  It had been at least eleven years since I last saw them.  Crazy how the time flies.  We were going to go out that day as well, but each of us was more than content to stay in with the two of them and enjoy them.  We got good old fashioned cooking with a healthy dose of verbal recounting of family history!  Just the way Grandma used to do it!  I think that was the second time I cried through the vacation (the first being at the 9/11 Memorial).

Quite possibly the best piece of 'art' ever.... just saying!  

Then we headed to Lowell, for her Yudith's Congress.  She was STOKED!  She came back to the room every evening rearing to go!  She witnessed a surgery using robotics, got to speak with the top doctors in the nation in different specializations.  She was in all her glory.  And the journals she filled with notes and steps to attain her plans, priceless.  It was worth every minute of the ride and fundraising to get her there.

 And here she goes, for day two of the Congress, being a clown!  Good to know the little girl is still in there!!


Although, the best part of the trip for the rest of us was spending time with our oldest son and second daughter and their families.  Another time that really reminded us how fast time goes, seeing how much the kids have grown.  They are GORGEOUS!  And so grown... :(  Holy cow, and so energetic!! LOL!

                    Exploring the little town of Lowell, MA!  It's gorgeous!  I loved the antique shops!


Off we went to Washington, D.C.  We drove all night and arrived mid morning.  We had a delicious breakfast our friends had ready for us, and off we went to the Smithsonian National Air and Space Museum!  Again, the girls were giddy.  I don't know how I managed it, but I birthed nerds, and I love it!  Every single plane, every nut, bolt, engine they examined and photographed.  And then, the highlight of the day.... yes, we got to see the Spaceship Discovery!  I hope you're oohing awing and applauding because I totally am right now!  Oh, wait, that's how I managed to birth nerds..... hee hee!!

The next day we walked all of the Capital Mall.... all 10 miles of it.  Oh man, Becky was worn out and whinny and so over us.... then we went to Arlington Cemetery... she was ready to leave us when she saw we had to walk some more.  But once she saw the Tomb of the Unmarked Soldier, she was enthralled.  We arrived there just in time for the Changing of the Guard.  The rest of the day she was marching and asking us all to keep silence.

Well.  That was Phase 1 of our Summer!  Whew!  I'm exhausted, are you?

We came home, jumped into work the next day, and two days later had a house full of family to celebrate the Fourth of July.  That's how we roll!  Then the girls took off for two days in Orlando and a week in Miami with Grandma and Grandpa.

We decided that it was too quiet in the house, so we tore up the living room, took out the carpet, installed tiles and painted the living room, kitchen, dinette area, two hallways, and the girls' bathroom.  Let me tell you, the most fun part of that was shopping for the stuff.... but my hubby did an awesome job of getting it all done before the girls came home.  He worked the late shift that week, so he worked on it all from about 9 pm to close to midnight.  Every single day.

                                                             Our Foreman, Grizzly!!

We settled into some routine daily activities.  And then the bad news.  There always has to be some of that mixed in.  But bear with me, I promise it has a happy ending!  My dad got sick.  My sister took him to the hospital Friday night, and by Wednesday he was not improving.  She sent me a message that freaked me out more than a little bit.  I took off with the girls immediately that same day.   Thank God my boss is a pretty cool guy and there was no hesitation in whether I should go or stay.

So, I'll spare everyone the gory details on that, and to protect his privacy, I'll just say that I thought my dad was going to be going home, but Praise Jesus!  He was finally treated for the correct ailment and his recovery began in earnest.  God is so, so good!  I got a day to spend with my nieces, and off we went back en route to our little home.

That Monday, our adventure continued!  Yes, there's more!!!

For the first time in 7 years, I did not have a homeschool child to teach on the first day of school!  Becky was accepted into an amazing private school on a scholarship and she spends her day working on physical, occupational, and speech therapies while doing her school work!  Again, can you say it with me?  God is so, so good!!  I didn't think I was ready for this step, and the first week was rough, for me not her!  However, I couldn't be happier with her progress, her excitement, and her teachers!

Aly is in her first year of high school, Yudith is in her senior year.  I am in my senior year of college.

We had Yudith's senior year photo shoot.... yes, I cried.   We've begun a series of photo shoots for Aly's Quinces... again, yes, I cried.  Today was Aly's actual 15th birthday.  Her Quinceañera will be soon.  Yudith will be 18 next month.  I look at my girls and I can't believe these beautiful young ladies are the same babies I had in my womb.  My heart is full of pride, love and tenderness for them.  But its also breaking a little because my babies are not my babies anymore.  That's another blog post however!

Manny finally made the move to a new job.  Now, instead of driving nearly two hours to get to work, he is 30 minutes away.  What a relief that is to both of us!  He comes home every day at a more decent hour, with a smile on his face, and I get to take a deep breath because I have him home before the bone deep weariness sets in.  I've been praying every day for months that he make it to work in the mornings and home in the evenings safely.  That long drive was wearing him out!  It's nice to have him around earlier, to actually catch up on our days the same day instead of cramming the important things in to one session at the end of the week.  Date nights are on again!  Woo hoo!


Time is progressing.  We are all moving forward.  And we are open and prepared for whatever God sends our way next!  And it's big!  Huge!  Fantastical!  You'll have to stay tuned to see what it is!!!


BTW!!  If you are planning on purchasing Disney's Cinderella for your kiddos, please shop through this Amazon link!  It will help us gather donations for The Big Surprise!!!  Thanks!  I promise it's a worthy cause!   qj7wuxv

Catharsis

Found this in a file, it's an old work, rough around the edges, written in a moment that was emotionally rocky.  

There are moments that won't end in the mind,

you say it was an accident, falling to the routine,

Continuing "the cycle" "the only way I know" 

"the way I was raised"

Always a new excuse, never a real commitment.

There are words that linger forever;

they burrow in your soul and take root, 

poisoning every thought hence forth, 

words that associate with slow death.

There are emotions that grow unrestrained, 

in response to loneliness,

in the midst of pain.

That hide behind the mask, but never lose their grip.

The bruises that don't come from hits.

They last an eternity under the skin.

No amount of soothing evaporates the dull ache,

The ache that lives inside, never abandoning.

The spirit-choking negativity

that forever spouts from your mouth.

Never a kindness, a soft encouragement.

Always harsh, always rude, always...

You.

You.

You used to represent goodness.

Joy.

Love.

Now you bring despair,

Hurt.

Lost Hope.

There is an End. 

A catharsis.  

A broken soul,

fighting to break out and away.

A soul redeemed by the blood of a Savior.

A woman who, in spite of You, 

understands that she has 

Value.

Importance.

Worth.

A woman who carries scars,

that has a strength merged from 

the breaks meant to keep her down.

A woman that carries fire in her belly,

A raging desire to give her children

the Love and Grace that Christ showed her

not the dysfunction you created.

A woman that rises ready to fight for 

the chance to live, to thrive.

Who sees past the 

self doubt you painted.

You will not win.

You have lost.

New Roads

WHEW!!  Life goes by fast!  I haven't written in a while.  Well, let me reiterate, I haven't written anything for fun in a while.... writing has been plentiful, but all academic! 

Let me begin by saying "Praise Jesus!" He has most definitely been the Pilot to all our new ventures!   

This school year we decided to let Yudith and Aly give public school a go.  There were several reasons for this and a lot of prayer was involved in the final decision.  The first week of school was rocky for us all.  The girls were nervous and feeling a little overwhelmed.  But by day two, they were fine and I was beginning to settle my nerves.

First day of school pictures... yes, Becky is wearing water shoes....in case we decided to homeschool from the fishing pier!  ;) My girl is always prepared!! 

Friday before school started was the High School's open house.... Yudith insisted she go alone.  I was told that she NEEDED to do this on her own.  Of course, my gut was screaming NOOOOOOOO!!  You're my baby, I have to be there.  Yet somehow, I managed to maintain a calm facade as I agreed to give her that space and the chance to do it alone.  I dropped her off, while furtively sneaking pictures of her as she walked away, nervous but pretending to be confident.  I drove off and cried though huge wracking sobs because my baby didn't need me there, I felt both proud of her for her courage and sad that I wasn't required.  I got over it because, let's admit it, that's silly.  Besides, Mommy's are always needed... right?!  

           Yudith making her way to open house

Day one of school Manny was off from work, and we drove the girls to their respective schools in the morning together.  However, once we arrived, I stayed in the car while Daddy escorted each one to the front door.  I was so overwhelmed with emotion as I watched him deliver our girls with a silent and strong visual to everyone present that this beautiful girl is loved, cherished.  I think the boys got the picture! Darn!  We just had to make it hard on them to get their talons into our girls.... hehehe.  I have never loved that man more than I did in those moments!  What did I do, sitting in the car?  Take more secretive pictures and cry.... DUH!  

Manny and Yudith

                              Manny and Aly

Now 5 weeks into the school year, I have received 2 calls from teachers exalting my Aly!  They have both informed me that she is their favorite and they absolutely needed to let me know what a pleasure it is to have her in their class.  One told me what a blessing she was and how he enjoyed having such a grounded, and respectful young lady in his class, how she carried herself with a quiet dignity and respect.  Wow!  I did what I do best, I started crying like a fool.  LOL!  

Yudith joined ROTC, and within three days was the first to successfully learn and execute the maneuvers given so she was given a team.  A few days later she was asked to join Color Guard.  A few days after that she was asked to present colors at the first home game of the year.  Her ROTC Colonel came over and introduced himself to Manny and myself before the game and couldn't speak highly enough of Yudith.  How proud he is of her for the hard work she puts in, the way she carries herself in class.  This time I managed to thank him for his kind words and exit the room before I burst into tears.  Improvement.  

  
   Yudith holding the JROTC flag.  

I can't begin to tell you all how proud I am of them both.  I know it's early in the school year, but so far they have both put in a lot of effort.  What blows me away the most is how when they come home, they each have several hours worth of stories to tell me, I'm given details to every person they come in contact with every day, and every conversation they have.  I'm glad that they are loving their new experiences in high school, but I can never thank God and my hubby enough for the years that they allowed me to homeschool my girls.  The bond that the time together forged between us is amazing, I love having a relationship to that level with my girls.  It's been tested in the last few months (teens are no joke) but I'm confident it will withstand because it is grounded in Him!   

Someone asked me the other day "You and Manny have problems?" And it made me think, Seriously?! We are a blended family from two very different backgrounds, two different upbringings, two different lifestyles, there's an 18 year difference between us, there are 7 'kids" between the two of us, 7 grandkids and we have two teenaged daughters and a little girl with special needs in our home. We struggle with the same economic situation as everyone else, have bills and overhead to pay for. He works almost two hours from home, works long hours and is hardly ever home. I school the three girls and go to school full time. No, we don't have any problems, none at all(read that sentence sarcastically).... but you know, hey, I'm a Christian so I have no cause to be overwhelmed or tired or grouchy or stressed.... I should always be happiness personified. Well, to quote my Aly the other day, "Who cares if people are happy or not, happiness fades. Joy, that's what we need. And joy comes from hard work and achievement, from overcoming struggle and adversity and doing it all with Christ as your center." I have one heck of a smart cookie on my hands. We need to have compassion for each other. I'm not saying my troubles are worse than anyone else's, thankfully I DO have Jesus to carry me, and that makes it easier. But I have troubles just the same. Before you open your mouth to judge or criticize another, consider that their lives don't consist of the twenty minutes you were in their presence. That's the tip of the iceberg, you saw nothing, know nothing about them... Instead of tearing them down, why don't you put that energy into making their day a little brighter. Just a thought....

Since the divorce word keeps coming up in conversation lately, I thought I would give my opinion, no judgements passed, remember I've been divorced, so I'm not pointing any fingers, just sharing my heart this morning... 

NO marriage is perfect and without issues. NO marriage lasts forever on the initial euphoric 'feelings' of love. Life happens, schedules fill, routines develop. With that comes boredom, disagreements and arguments. Age and experiences change our thoughts, personalities and bodies. Marriage is more than being in love, it is more than physical desires, it is more than perfection and smiles. It is hard work. It is giving of yourself even when you are exhausted emotionally, spiritually and physically; when your hands, feet, back and soul are weary. It is the realization that you do not always know how your spouse thinks or reacts to everything, because they are multi faceted and will react differently to each situation. It is the daily commitment and decision to stay with this imperfect person, to forgive them when they hurt you and praying that they will forgive your imperfect self when you hurt them. Knowing that you will hurt each other, but you CHOOSE to care enough to fix it. Knowing that love changes and matures, grows deeper and stronger. Giving your relationship to God and making the adjustments that He convicts you with, not just sitting back and expecting it to work out on its own. Marriage is a burden only when you stop recognizing it as the gift and blessing that it is and start thinking of greener pastures.