The last several years have been economically hard for most of our Nation. Our family has not been spared the hardships. We have been in pre-foreclosure, then managed to 'save' our home. We were then hit with an increase in the new mortgage rate (higher than our original payment, hello? Does that make any sense?) and now we have fallen back in the whole.
We have run the gamut of emotions here. Sadness, depression, anger(lots of that), frustration, disbelief. I have cried, I have pleaded, bargained, screamed and laughed hysterically(ignore that visual). You name it, we've been there! Now, after a five year struggle with our bank, I had the pleasure of telling them what they could do with the house. Foreclose on it. Nothing they offer will actually help us, it will only dig us further into debt. The house is worth so much less than when we purchased it, and they are treating us like criminals.
I have spent the last several days searching endlessly online, making calls, writing emails, visiting properties. We have decided to move on and leave our little home empty and ready for the bank. It's a heartbreaking decision to make. Every time we pass by it we will be sad. Every time I think about the memories we made here, the tears come. We've done a lot of raising here, a lot of partying here, we got married TWICE here, received news of new grand babies in this house, decided to make life choices from this place. The last time my grandma visited me was in this home, the news of my grandfather's passing I got in my kitchen. Manny and I separated and got back together in this house. Yudith, Aly and Manny all gave their lives to Christ in this house. I learned to tile the floors with my honey's direction in this home. I spilled paint on Yudith's carpet in my rush to paint her room for her to surprise her. I taught Aly to bake in my kitchen. I watched Becky take her first steps in my living room. Manny and I had to sit in our house, by our selves, and make the difficult choice between hanging on and letting go. We chose to hang on to our sanity. Hang on to the memories, let go of the burden.
There is a bright side here, the excitement of starting a new adventure, of setting out on the course of recovery for our family, and the opportunity to see God work in our finances puts a smile on my face. Although we do not have our official 'get out' date, we've decided to go anyways. The stress of having someone knock on my door to get out will be eliminated, the constant worry about where I will lay my girls down to sleep can disappear. I know we will be ok. I keep reminding myself that God is in control, that He knows the plans He has for us.
In think the toughest part of this journey has been learning to let go. Let go of the physical, material thing that was stressing us out so much. Let go of the emotions attached to the situations, the fears and anxieties, and learn to really, truly trust God. It feels like we have been on a spiritual journey that we could not finish until we actually trusted in Him with our actions and thoughts, not just our words. It's a difficult step to make, to let go of all illusion of control and allow Him to move. I am not sure we fully grasp the notion 100% but we sure are trying! There is still a little of the OCD in me that flares when I start thinking of all there is to do, the timing and actual transition from homeowner to bankrupt and renter. The fears begin to nudge me back into the dark place that yearns for control when I think about the long journey back to financial stability and home ownership. So I going to work hard over the next few weeks on relinquishing control of what I cannot change, finding guidance for what I can do and taking deep, cleansing breaths.
Time to set new goals! Time to start fresh! Time to move on!
Wednesday, May 29, 2013
Monday, May 20, 2013
The Last Year in Brief Review
Hello!! I'm back!
What a very long year it has been! It has been exactly that time since I last blogged. I have a burning need to visit my blog friends! I have abandoned this realm for a while due to such an overwhelming load.I seem to have been sucked into a vortex of emotion and obstacles that left me reeling. I have lost my godmother, my cousin, my grandmother, my daughter's godfather. I am still in school,and we have become members of an awesome church, Crosspoint. We are so happy and in love with each of our church family members. We have been touched by so many there, many without their knowing. Friends we never thought would leave us have left, old friends we didn't have too many opportunities to share with have become solid support systems, others that were away have come close. Some are kind of in between and our household relationships have strengthened. God makes NO MISTAKES! I trusted in Him when the dynamics of our lives began to change and we have been abundantly blessed!
And us? Well, Manny and I have been able to reignite a part of our relationship that was smothered. We have become best friends again. It was a long road, one with many, many ups and downs, but it happened. We are once again where we were in the beginning.
I have been blessed to watch Yudith, Aly and Manny give their lives to Jesus! The girls were baptized last year, my hubby this March. Praise Jesus!! He quit smoking after 30+ years.
Yudith turned 15 and has given her talents back to God, singing on the youth band and in the church service.
Aly has developed her writing skills, and has surprised me with her material. Again, I have been able to watch her give her talent to God.
Becky is growing leaps and bounds! Her cognitive abilities have really grown. I can barely keep up with her! LOL!! She is very found of her Equestrian Therapy with TherHappy!
I finished my first year back to University with a 4.0! I have been inducted into Golden Key International Honour Society and into Alpha Sigma Lambda. Yay me! I am exhausted every minute of every day, but I am happy with the course my life has taken.
Emotionally, this last few months have been the hardest. Losing my final grandparent has been so very rough. I am really working hard at getting past the hurt, but a part of me feels so lonely. My grandparents were such a huge part of my life that I feel like I have lost a limb. I find myself still speaking about her as if she were living, like my brain has not accepted the fact that she's gone. The day before Mother's Day was so very difficult. I had no grandma left to call and congratulate. I didn't have any stories to hear about all the calls, flowers and gestures she received. There was no laughter from her at the stories of my girls' antics. No grandma left to tell me she loved me, to give me the traditional 'bendiciones'.
A few months ago, Crosspoint held a leadership conference called Momentum. My hubby, Yudith, Aly and I attended and we were blown away!!! The Spirit was moving and touching lives! We were given answers we were seeking, answers we didn't know we needed and encouragement to keep pushing forward and to boldly do His works!! One phrase that stuck out for me was "Great opportunities later require instant obedience now!" How many times have I felt something being laid on my heart and didn't jump right in because "I have too much on my plate right now". Well, maybe I need to take some things OFF my plate!! After all, He provided my plate, how can I not obey what He wants me to do? So I requested a brief break form school and canceled some appointments. Just for a few weeks, just enough to reevaluate, restructure and rest. I have returned now with a renewed spirit and new energy. My daughters and I have begun a new club for girls in our area, on purity, building positive self-image and a support system with others girls doing life together in Christ! We have only been an organization for a short time period and are already growing. I feel like I am finding my niche in my teenagers' lives. And they are inspiring me everyday!
All in all, though a few uncomfortable moments have popped up, several painful days have visited our home, we have all drawn closer to God and to each other. For that reason I will count the last year as a blessed one. Even through anguish, God has blessed our home, our family. We have grown spiritually, have given Him our joy, fears and suffering. He returns our obedience with blessings we never would have asked imagined possible.
What a very long year it has been! It has been exactly that time since I last blogged. I have a burning need to visit my blog friends! I have abandoned this realm for a while due to such an overwhelming load.I seem to have been sucked into a vortex of emotion and obstacles that left me reeling. I have lost my godmother, my cousin, my grandmother, my daughter's godfather. I am still in school,and we have become members of an awesome church, Crosspoint. We are so happy and in love with each of our church family members. We have been touched by so many there, many without their knowing. Friends we never thought would leave us have left, old friends we didn't have too many opportunities to share with have become solid support systems, others that were away have come close. Some are kind of in between and our household relationships have strengthened. God makes NO MISTAKES! I trusted in Him when the dynamics of our lives began to change and we have been abundantly blessed!
And us? Well, Manny and I have been able to reignite a part of our relationship that was smothered. We have become best friends again. It was a long road, one with many, many ups and downs, but it happened. We are once again where we were in the beginning.
I have been blessed to watch Yudith, Aly and Manny give their lives to Jesus! The girls were baptized last year, my hubby this March. Praise Jesus!! He quit smoking after 30+ years.
Yudith turned 15 and has given her talents back to God, singing on the youth band and in the church service.
Aly has developed her writing skills, and has surprised me with her material. Again, I have been able to watch her give her talent to God.
Becky is growing leaps and bounds! Her cognitive abilities have really grown. I can barely keep up with her! LOL!! She is very found of her Equestrian Therapy with TherHappy!
I finished my first year back to University with a 4.0! I have been inducted into Golden Key International Honour Society and into Alpha Sigma Lambda. Yay me! I am exhausted every minute of every day, but I am happy with the course my life has taken.
Emotionally, this last few months have been the hardest. Losing my final grandparent has been so very rough. I am really working hard at getting past the hurt, but a part of me feels so lonely. My grandparents were such a huge part of my life that I feel like I have lost a limb. I find myself still speaking about her as if she were living, like my brain has not accepted the fact that she's gone. The day before Mother's Day was so very difficult. I had no grandma left to call and congratulate. I didn't have any stories to hear about all the calls, flowers and gestures she received. There was no laughter from her at the stories of my girls' antics. No grandma left to tell me she loved me, to give me the traditional 'bendiciones'.
A few months ago, Crosspoint held a leadership conference called Momentum. My hubby, Yudith, Aly and I attended and we were blown away!!! The Spirit was moving and touching lives! We were given answers we were seeking, answers we didn't know we needed and encouragement to keep pushing forward and to boldly do His works!! One phrase that stuck out for me was "Great opportunities later require instant obedience now!" How many times have I felt something being laid on my heart and didn't jump right in because "I have too much on my plate right now". Well, maybe I need to take some things OFF my plate!! After all, He provided my plate, how can I not obey what He wants me to do? So I requested a brief break form school and canceled some appointments. Just for a few weeks, just enough to reevaluate, restructure and rest. I have returned now with a renewed spirit and new energy. My daughters and I have begun a new club for girls in our area, on purity, building positive self-image and a support system with others girls doing life together in Christ! We have only been an organization for a short time period and are already growing. I feel like I am finding my niche in my teenagers' lives. And they are inspiring me everyday!
All in all, though a few uncomfortable moments have popped up, several painful days have visited our home, we have all drawn closer to God and to each other. For that reason I will count the last year as a blessed one. Even through anguish, God has blessed our home, our family. We have grown spiritually, have given Him our joy, fears and suffering. He returns our obedience with blessings we never would have asked imagined possible.
Saturday, June 2, 2012
Trusting God
I haven't been blogging much, school and the girls have kept me pretty busy. This last week has been a very difficult one. First all three girls took turns being sick, I am stressed out over a research paper for school and I have not been getting any sleep.
Then, I get a call telling me that my godmother has had an aneurysm and she's in a coma. She lives in Spain, and I can't afford to go visit her. We're waiting to see what decision my cousins are going to make with her staying on life support or disconnecting her. There is no brain activity, and the chances are slim on her survival without the machines. I remember how vivacious she was, how much fun she always had. When she took me to get my ears pierced, forced me to eat cauliflower, and when she would let my cousin and I go to the beach by ourselves as teens. How she trusted me to do the right thing. It's so hard to imagine her laying in a bed, immobile.
The very next day, I get another phone call. My mother is in tears and I can't believe the words that are coming out of her mouth. They are just too ludicrous for my mind to wrap around. My cousin's 18 year old son has been found dead. I feel like I am trapped in a warp zone of some sort. I am so beyond comprehension on this one. A child with his whole life ahead of him. A good kid that loved his family and took care of them. Following his dreams.
A good friend reminded me that we are not meant to understand what the Father does, we are just meant to TRUST Him. This word keeps coming up in my devotionals lately, and I am trying to do so in every situation. I have to admit that in most things, I have found it easy enough to do. It's really easy to do so when everything is ok. Even when finances are tight, you adjust. Groceries are scarce, you get creative. When someone is gone, what? Every answer to that question that has been given to me this week seems inadequate or inappropriate. Except for Lauren's answer: Trust. It's all we have left to do. Trust that God took Alberto home for a reason. Trust that Alberto is in a better place. Trust that God will watch over Alberto's siblings, parents and grandparents, that they will feel our Father's comforting embrace. That they will find peace in the knowledge that Alberto is now HOME, that he feels no pain, anguish or discrimination in Heaven. That he is loved and cared for in glorious splendor as Heaven rejoices in his Homecoming Celebration.
This makes me smile, thinking of the Angels in party mode. I think he would enjoy that.
You were a joy to all who encountered you in life, a blessing to your family, and you will never be forgotten.
We will see you soon in the Kingdom!
Then, I get a call telling me that my godmother has had an aneurysm and she's in a coma. She lives in Spain, and I can't afford to go visit her. We're waiting to see what decision my cousins are going to make with her staying on life support or disconnecting her. There is no brain activity, and the chances are slim on her survival without the machines. I remember how vivacious she was, how much fun she always had. When she took me to get my ears pierced, forced me to eat cauliflower, and when she would let my cousin and I go to the beach by ourselves as teens. How she trusted me to do the right thing. It's so hard to imagine her laying in a bed, immobile.
The very next day, I get another phone call. My mother is in tears and I can't believe the words that are coming out of her mouth. They are just too ludicrous for my mind to wrap around. My cousin's 18 year old son has been found dead. I feel like I am trapped in a warp zone of some sort. I am so beyond comprehension on this one. A child with his whole life ahead of him. A good kid that loved his family and took care of them. Following his dreams.
A good friend reminded me that we are not meant to understand what the Father does, we are just meant to TRUST Him. This word keeps coming up in my devotionals lately, and I am trying to do so in every situation. I have to admit that in most things, I have found it easy enough to do. It's really easy to do so when everything is ok. Even when finances are tight, you adjust. Groceries are scarce, you get creative. When someone is gone, what? Every answer to that question that has been given to me this week seems inadequate or inappropriate. Except for Lauren's answer: Trust. It's all we have left to do. Trust that God took Alberto home for a reason. Trust that Alberto is in a better place. Trust that God will watch over Alberto's siblings, parents and grandparents, that they will feel our Father's comforting embrace. That they will find peace in the knowledge that Alberto is now HOME, that he feels no pain, anguish or discrimination in Heaven. That he is loved and cared for in glorious splendor as Heaven rejoices in his Homecoming Celebration.
This makes me smile, thinking of the Angels in party mode. I think he would enjoy that.
RIP Alberto "Macho" Vera
You were a joy to all who encountered you in life, a blessing to your family, and you will never be forgotten.
We will see you soon in the Kingdom!
Friday, February 17, 2012
INSURANCE WOES
I have been on the phone for over two hours. Making appointments for Yudith for a Pediatric Orthopedics, which required me to call Tricare, then several doctors, then her PCP, once I found a Dr that could see her, to get a referral.
Ok. Done.
Now,I have called Becky's insurance about a Pediatric Ophthamologist, to be told I have to go through a separate insurance. So I call them, am on hold for several minutes, then to be told I have to call her primary insurance back because they don't cover ophthamology, only optometry. Oooookay.
I call the primary insurance back, again. Explain the whole situation to a young man that is, apparently, in a hurry to get to lunch because he is speeding through the preliminary questions. After he interrupts me for the third time I take a deep, audible breath. And then I ask him if he could please listen to what I'm saying instead of ignoring me then proceeding to ask the same things I just explained to him. He stutters that he IS listening. Yeah, right. So were my kids when I asked them to clean their bathroom last night, and HEY! I had to ask again this morning.
"Let's try this again, Son. I need you to focus on me. I need a pediatric ophthamologist for my 7 year old Downs Syndrome daughter, who cannot speak. Which is why an optometrist can not see her, she needs an ophthamologist with all the special machinery to determine how her sight is, to give her a script for new glasses. I called you guys earlier and you asked me to call the vision plan, they said they don't cover opthamalogy, only optometry. I need you to give me the name of an ophthalmologist in the area to see her."
His brilliant response, "Why? Does she need glasses or surgery? I can give you the phone number to the vision plan. They can set her up with a vision exam."
I. AM. GOING. TO. PRISON.
If I could have murdered him over the line, I would have strangled him right then and there. At this point I don't know what else to say to him, because there is nothing I can say to make things more clear to this boy.
"Just give me the phone number to any ophthamologist in the area, and you can go have lunch, ok?!" He finally gives me the info I need. Now, I make the calls to the doctor offices. NOT A SINGLE ONE IS A PEDIATRIC OPHTHAMOLOGIST. REALLY?!?!
Back to square one...
You know, I don't expect a miracle here, I just want an intelligent person, that can listen to what I'm saying, show me the respect I show them, give me the information that I need, and I will be on my way. I just want to get my baby new glasses....
Ok. Done.
Now,I have called Becky's insurance about a Pediatric Ophthamologist, to be told I have to go through a separate insurance. So I call them, am on hold for several minutes, then to be told I have to call her primary insurance back because they don't cover ophthamology, only optometry. Oooookay.
I call the primary insurance back, again. Explain the whole situation to a young man that is, apparently, in a hurry to get to lunch because he is speeding through the preliminary questions. After he interrupts me for the third time I take a deep, audible breath. And then I ask him if he could please listen to what I'm saying instead of ignoring me then proceeding to ask the same things I just explained to him. He stutters that he IS listening. Yeah, right. So were my kids when I asked them to clean their bathroom last night, and HEY! I had to ask again this morning.
"Let's try this again, Son. I need you to focus on me. I need a pediatric ophthamologist for my 7 year old Downs Syndrome daughter, who cannot speak. Which is why an optometrist can not see her, she needs an ophthamologist with all the special machinery to determine how her sight is, to give her a script for new glasses. I called you guys earlier and you asked me to call the vision plan, they said they don't cover opthamalogy, only optometry. I need you to give me the name of an ophthalmologist in the area to see her."
His brilliant response, "Why? Does she need glasses or surgery? I can give you the phone number to the vision plan. They can set her up with a vision exam."
I. AM. GOING. TO. PRISON.
If I could have murdered him over the line, I would have strangled him right then and there. At this point I don't know what else to say to him, because there is nothing I can say to make things more clear to this boy.
"Just give me the phone number to any ophthamologist in the area, and you can go have lunch, ok?!" He finally gives me the info I need. Now, I make the calls to the doctor offices. NOT A SINGLE ONE IS A PEDIATRIC OPHTHAMOLOGIST. REALLY?!?!
Back to square one...
You know, I don't expect a miracle here, I just want an intelligent person, that can listen to what I'm saying, show me the respect I show them, give me the information that I need, and I will be on my way. I just want to get my baby new glasses....
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY
I tell my family every day how much I love them, so no, we do not go all out for Valentine's Day. I do give my girls a little treat, this year is was a ring pop, and I gave each of them a card talking about God's love for us.
I send my grown children, parents, sisters and nieces I love you's. Manny will usually bring me flowers several days before, or after. I love getting flowers but NOT on V Day. (You just paid twice what they were worth, and I'm a Clearance Girl at heart, so this is offensive to me!) I make dinner everyday, so making a "Special Meal" seems redundant, since I do that all the time!
Now, don't get me wrong, I love getting cards, flowers, chocolates! But I'd rather you brought them to me on a random day, one that tells me that you thought of ME that day. Not on the day that society is REMINDING you to bring me a token of your affection.
Manny has learned over the years that if he brings me a token today, he gets a sweet thank you and I go back to my everyday tasks, but for the flowers he brought me last week, he got a sincere thank you with a side dish of kisses! ;)
I send my grown children, parents, sisters and nieces I love you's. Manny will usually bring me flowers several days before, or after. I love getting flowers but NOT on V Day. (You just paid twice what they were worth, and I'm a Clearance Girl at heart, so this is offensive to me!) I make dinner everyday, so making a "Special Meal" seems redundant, since I do that all the time!
Now, don't get me wrong, I love getting cards, flowers, chocolates! But I'd rather you brought them to me on a random day, one that tells me that you thought of ME that day. Not on the day that society is REMINDING you to bring me a token of your affection.
Manny has learned over the years that if he brings me a token today, he gets a sweet thank you and I go back to my everyday tasks, but for the flowers he brought me last week, he got a sincere thank you with a side dish of kisses! ;)
Roses Manny brought me last week!
Thursday, February 2, 2012
SURVIVAL OF WEEK ONE!
So, I have survived the first week of school! I finished all my assignments ahead of time, got all my housework and the girls' schoolwork done, and didn't have to cancel any of their activities or appointments. I even have next weeks assignments started. Woo hoo!! The first day, I was so overwhelmed that I had to send my Ladies a message to help bring me back from the anxiety cliff's edge. But then I got the adrenaline rush! Which was great! It's gotten me through the week.
Our first assignment was to write our introduction with all our dreams, motivation for returning to school, what we did for a living, etc. I'm thinking, "Oh, HECK NOOOO!" I'm NOT getting THAT personal with a bunch of people I don't know. It took me several attempts at writing this paper before I turned it in. And as I'm reading some of the other discussions going on, I'm getting even more nervous. OMGravy! Some of the posts were uber personal. Sigh...
But I made it through, and went on to the next. Weeeeell, don't you know that the second assignment was to identify my learning strengths and weaknesses. Hello!? Ultra self critical me? You want ME to analyze MYSELF? HAHAHA! OOOHHH, I got this one!!
I have to say, that I have had a lot of help from my hubby and the girls this week! Manny took care of the laundry, the girls have done all their chores without me nagging, and even Buddy has been helpful by letting me sleep! LOL!! Or, wait, maybe I'm just so tired when I fall into bed that I can't HEAR him snoring!!
I love my family, my life and how everything is falling into place! God seems to be always sending me little reminders that He's watching over us. I feel so blessed!!
Our first assignment was to write our introduction with all our dreams, motivation for returning to school, what we did for a living, etc. I'm thinking, "Oh, HECK NOOOO!" I'm NOT getting THAT personal with a bunch of people I don't know. It took me several attempts at writing this paper before I turned it in. And as I'm reading some of the other discussions going on, I'm getting even more nervous. OMGravy! Some of the posts were uber personal. Sigh...
But I made it through, and went on to the next. Weeeeell, don't you know that the second assignment was to identify my learning strengths and weaknesses. Hello!? Ultra self critical me? You want ME to analyze MYSELF? HAHAHA! OOOHHH, I got this one!!
I have to say, that I have had a lot of help from my hubby and the girls this week! Manny took care of the laundry, the girls have done all their chores without me nagging, and even Buddy has been helpful by letting me sleep! LOL!! Or, wait, maybe I'm just so tired when I fall into bed that I can't HEAR him snoring!!
I love my family, my life and how everything is falling into place! God seems to be always sending me little reminders that He's watching over us. I feel so blessed!!
Thursday, January 26, 2012
BACK TO SCHOOL!!
I have been trying to get back into school for the last 15 years. There was always "something" that kept me from it. No money, denied financial aid, now is not the time, another pregnancy, another disaster, etc.
In conversation with Yudith the other day, I was talking to her about the importance of not only going for your dreams, but following through with them. After we finished speaking, I decided to write out my Bucket List. I know cliche, but give me a break! ;)
I'm not going to go into details about my B.L. except for the going back to school one. I decided that I was not wasting another moment. I got on my computer, starting researching what I want to go back for, where I could attend. The pros and cons of traditional college vs online. Full time vs part time status. How much it cost in different places. I spoke to an admission counselor in several different schools. Two days later, I've completed my financial aid packet, and am sitting waiting on my approval.
It came last night! I am now officially a student at Ashford University, enrolled in the Liberal Arts Program, for a Bachelors Degree in Social Services! YAY, ME!!! I was bouncing off the walls!! If I could do cartwheels, I would've been doing them last night!! But I decided against it, since I have no desire to visit the ER...
I dreamt with books, long study nights, discussions, debates, thesis papers. I was loving it. Then the reality set in this morning. Crap. Long study hours, expensive books, loooong involved thesis papers...beginning to hyperventilate at this point. It has been so long since I went to college. What was I thinking signing up for it again. I started to really doubt myself and my ability to be able to do this. Then I "heard" it. The wonderful confirmation that I needed, as I was laying in bed,
Peace. Joy. Determination. Those feelings flooded my body, my spirit, my soul as I realized that I am not doing this in my strength, but in His. My God set me on this path, He was the One causing the fervor that I had for two days to get enrolled, come what may. He allowed financial aid to come through, when it has been denied so many times before! What do I have to worry about, when He has set my course!!
So, I jumped out of bed, and decided that my home office needs a little bit of something added to it in preparation of my first day of school January 31st. I am making myself a plaque with Jeremiah 29:11 on it to set next to my computer. So that when the long nights start to tire me out, I can look at it and be reminded that God has designated this path for me, and that He has my reward waiting for me at the end. Prosperity. And a future filled with HOPE! Success will be mine! In Jesus Christ's Name!
In conversation with Yudith the other day, I was talking to her about the importance of not only going for your dreams, but following through with them. After we finished speaking, I decided to write out my Bucket List. I know cliche, but give me a break! ;)
I'm not going to go into details about my B.L. except for the going back to school one. I decided that I was not wasting another moment. I got on my computer, starting researching what I want to go back for, where I could attend. The pros and cons of traditional college vs online. Full time vs part time status. How much it cost in different places. I spoke to an admission counselor in several different schools. Two days later, I've completed my financial aid packet, and am sitting waiting on my approval.
It came last night! I am now officially a student at Ashford University, enrolled in the Liberal Arts Program, for a Bachelors Degree in Social Services! YAY, ME!!! I was bouncing off the walls!! If I could do cartwheels, I would've been doing them last night!! But I decided against it, since I have no desire to visit the ER...
I dreamt with books, long study nights, discussions, debates, thesis papers. I was loving it. Then the reality set in this morning. Crap. Long study hours, expensive books, loooong involved thesis papers...beginning to hyperventilate at this point. It has been so long since I went to college. What was I thinking signing up for it again. I started to really doubt myself and my ability to be able to do this. Then I "heard" it. The wonderful confirmation that I needed, as I was laying in bed,
Peace. Joy. Determination. Those feelings flooded my body, my spirit, my soul as I realized that I am not doing this in my strength, but in His. My God set me on this path, He was the One causing the fervor that I had for two days to get enrolled, come what may. He allowed financial aid to come through, when it has been denied so many times before! What do I have to worry about, when He has set my course!!
So, I jumped out of bed, and decided that my home office needs a little bit of something added to it in preparation of my first day of school January 31st. I am making myself a plaque with Jeremiah 29:11 on it to set next to my computer. So that when the long nights start to tire me out, I can look at it and be reminded that God has designated this path for me, and that He has my reward waiting for me at the end. Prosperity. And a future filled with HOPE! Success will be mine! In Jesus Christ's Name!
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